i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am available for nakedness
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
