Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
