i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
