Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
