It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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