Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
