I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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