if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
