We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
