I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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