they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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