OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
