don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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