she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
