my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
