You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
