Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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