She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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