how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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