There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
