Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
