we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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