Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
