Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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