My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
