he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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