Sry I called you an 8
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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