bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
