I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
