Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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