Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's rum buckets o'clock
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