You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
