party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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