I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
