he was CRYING into my vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
