do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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