Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
