I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
