Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
