4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
