remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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