My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
