FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
