sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
