would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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