i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
