not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
