dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize