Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
