Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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