wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
