dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
