The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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