I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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