and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
