every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
3 2 1 whiskey
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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