I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
