dude i'm inner monologue high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
