i don't like sucking hair
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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