What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
