heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
