Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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