As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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