She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
