2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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