What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
