I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
