Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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