This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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