She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
