We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
