The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
