I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
