Ketchup is God's man juice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
