My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
