My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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