does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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